17, August 2021

Hello, friends?

I started my new employment today. What a rewarding gift it is. I enjoyed it very much. I dind’t exactly get a lunch break where I could eat, but I did get snack breaks and breaks from work. This is not the fault of my employer either. It was a personal choice and one I would make time and time again. There are times when the moment is the place you are to be. Today was one of those days. There was a good amount of learning and observational absorption as well as social interaction.The commradory was contagious. I will also say my work is in a field that has many confidentiality laws; therefore, I’m going to be vague about many details. Don’t let that take away though. 

 After work, which was super fun, I ran some errands, e..g, went to the post office, went to the bank, filled up the gas tank in the Saturn, etc. etc.. I didn’t talk to anyone except the teller whose conversational skills failed to go anywhere except business. Oh I talked to a poodle before I went into the post office. No one was in the car so I never caught the name og the dog, but I like to think it’s a her and her name is Dorthy. At least that is what I chose to refer to it as. What can I say, sometimes my mind baffles me as well. I also got to talk to a couple friends. 

I called T after work, but ran into a dead zone and wasn’t able to talk long, but vowed to call back. Figured I would do it when I was done with my errands, but I got a phone call from a friend I hadn’t talked to for two years. I’m glad they called because it was nice to converse with them. Directly following that was my conversation with T. Again, such a reward. Both friends have such beautiful advice and insight. I’m fortunate to have them in my life. 

With my conversations done I changed clothes, grabbed my trail maintenance gear, and got to work. I had intended to make dinner, but really wanted to do some trail maintenance. As I hit the first trail a moose ran away from me, think teenager, my right leg sank calf high in the mud filling my boot with water, I ate a rotten crow berry, and got whacked in the head with a spruce bough. It could have started worse. I did see a moose. 🙂 I got a couple hours in and headed back to the cabin, but not befor snapping a picture or two. 

What is it that creates the bubbling warmth which originates from the essence of my being and fills my body, mind, and soul?

16, August 2021

Guten Tag, freund. 

The white season is almost upon us, I coud feel it as I stepped outside this morning. It was predawn and the chill held my breath with every exhale as the damp color palette produced an aroma that whispered good-bye. I gave a quick glance to my southeast. Between the forty foot gap in spruce I could just make out the dark outline of the steep mountains. A slight glow illuminating from each of the glaciers. The stars glimmered on half a moonbeam, dancing a ballet of symphonic adventure before I turned away with a smile. Opening the car door I mutter thank you, not to myself. 

I’ve been up for almost an hour. Breakfast is finished, the dishes are done, and my hygiene is on point. I’m heading up to Kenia to give away my fingerprints. The job I accepted requires it for a preemployment background check. It’s almost two hours from where I live, but I don’t mind. I’m actually looking forward to it. The fall color should be beond nice. It was too. The entire drive was worth it. It seemed like no time at all, but I I was back in homer at the hospital for my tinkle test, i.e., urinalysis.Hope this Sticky Gelato doesn’t thwart my hire. After being at the hospital for much longer than it should take I was finally allowed to provide my specime. And just like that I was out the door and on my way to fill out paperwork for my new employer. I spent the next three hours getting all the onboarding accomplished. The atmosphere is Authentic. It’s one of the reasons I accepted the position. The deep connection I felt was also influential. Shortly after four in the afternoon I left.

I attempted to play some pool as it was free night at the local Best Western, but was turned off by the crowd. So I ended up at Save you more having sticker shock again, but not before grabbing sesame rice crackers and beets for tonight’s snack. I have an equitable relationship with root vegetables. They don’t hurt my tummy and I appreciate them. Works out delightfully well. With my pre bed snack now in hand I headed back to the preserve. I’ve got a video scheduled with a friend. I don’t want to miss it, be late, or feel like I lost any time at all. This particular Human BEING has a value that transcends measurement. Truly a remarkable inspiration, excellent Coach, and authentic leader. I also wanted to hopefully get some work in at the preserve. 

Unfortunately the work at the preserve didn’t happen. The days are just becoming too short to do much after six in the afternoon. I enjoy the work at the preserve and actually look forward to it. I feel the compensation is fair, the requirements are honest, and the direction is solid. Never thought I would start to miss any type of work after not doing it for a few days. It’s nice to see that’s changed. Informs me my compass is pointing in the appropriate direction and my ranger beads are working. It’s a crazy, chaotic world and can sometimes be difficult to orientate. Orientation is important. 

Show love, live love, and accept love from yourself, you’re deserving of it.

15, August 2021

Guten Tag, freund. 

Today was my interview day. I think it went well. I had a chat with the on-site manager, met some of the employees, took a tour, and met some of the clients. The atmosphere was inviting, the smiles authentic, and the banter soft. I enjoyed my time there. The whole process took two hours, give or take. Afterwhich I ran some errands and then worked in the greenhouse. 

As I was harvesting I realized I only had a small berry basket with me. So, I did what any sensible human would do. I made a vegetable gift basket for my neighbor. I found it super cute, tantalizingly fun, and photogenic.

What didn’t end up in the gift basket ended up on the dinner plate. I made a vegetable pasta sauce, forgetting to add the kale, and backed a spaghetti squash. The vegetarian meal was ample food and tasted fresh. I’m grateful the greenhouse is still producing as I’m sure is my neighbor.  Oh, I also had some face time with friends. Well, a family.


The Hearts are from ohio. The father has been in my life since twenty zero seven and his wife shortly after. They’ve seen me at the most difficult time in my life and always offered a hand up. I can’t say enough about the strenght, resilience, and love that is this family. They have taught me through actions the true sense of what it means to be a Human BEING. They also have ttwo children. One has a youtube channel. You can find it here 😀 I love this little guy. I’m pretty sure I spent more time talking with him than I did his parents. Go ahead and five him a like. He definitely deserves it. The second is a high school senior. I think that pretty much sums it up. 😀 

I called my mother today as well. Had about a thirty minute session before the internet said, “no, that’s enough”.  Rewarding to hear she is well. She recently broke her femur, but seems to be recovering quickly. Hopefully everything will heal correctly and be back to normal, or as normal as it can be, soon. I think I’ll call her again this weekend. I still had some questions and wanted to get some advice. Definately going to make that happen. 

There are moments in your life when you know everything is right. You’re where you are supposed to be, you’re doing what you know you’re supposed to do, and you’re living with a joy that finds contagious as its companion.There is no second guessing, just a calm knowing. These are the moments that take my breath away. 

14, August 2021

Guten Tag, freund. 

Today was a very busy day. I got my phone activated, said farewell to Jeff, and learned my brother was a serious fisherman. The day started off with me deciding to drive the two hours north to see Jeff off. I had originally said farewell the previous night, but thought better of it when I awoke. My reason for saying an early farewell was because I wanted to work so I could backpack on Thursday. After sleeping on it I realized that was silly. The backpacking trail isnt going anywhere, but Jeff is migrating south. I don’t want another crane situation. So I drove up to the Kenia Mountains to spend the remainder of the time I could with him. He’s such a remarkable guy. Heart of gold that man. 

We were at a lake super close to the alpine, fishing and sharing the last few hours in a marvelous setting. The mountains were frosted on top with a layer of white, below that lay a canvas of burgundy, yellow, oranges, and greens. It was truly a beautiful scene. Fall is here in full force. So was my brother with his fishing abilities. He snatched a trout using a method I found barbarically prehistoric, yet awe inspiring. Truly a memory for the ages. Most of the day was spent talking and eating. Jeff and I did less fishing than my brother and he did less than I’ve ever witnessed him do. Sometimes conversation and presence is just the best activity. It was a bittersweet goodbye filled with love and gratitude. 

On the way back I stopped at the phoen store in Soldotna and had it activated. I had tried the night before, but failed at my attempt to be more Millennial savvy, i.e., good with electronics. It all starts with effort though. I also learned some things from the customer service gentleman about the phone, was offered a job, politely declined as it was over two hours from where I live, and got some advice/preperation for the upcoming white season. Mainly the topic was the lack of sunlight and how it represented itself in the public. Righteous information for someone who has never had a winter where the sun may only rise for two hours if at all. Totally rad day altogether. 

I ended the day by sending messages to all my contacts informing them of my new number. A friend I missed dearly liked it, so I called him. He is one of the greatest life rewards I have ever been blessed with. Righteous man who gets it is he. That sums him up well. I hope he patted himself on the back tonight and acknowledged some of his accomplishments and tallents. Truly a rarity. With the end of the phone call came the end of my night. It’s late, so this is actually going up at a little after twelve thirty a.m. Alaska time. 

Love and forgiveness are keys to every door.

13, August 2021

Guten Tag, freund. 

I awoke missing the cranes today. I know they’re doing the migration thing, It’s just… Ya know, yeah. Now that’s out of the way. I had a delightful day. I watched a sea otter eat crabs, saw bald eagles lazily observing from a perch, listened to the murre ducks pop up (Did you know: the common murre can dive one hundred feet below the surface to find food; the locals, Kachemak Bay, claim up to four hundred and forty feet.), and a few late stragling sea ducks. Also noticed they moved the Summer Bay, a crab boat, up to dry dock. Looks like crabbing season is just around the corner. The Time Bandit, another crabbing boat, was still in dock though. I had three drinks of coffee today. It was only three because it tasted bad. Ranks up there in the top ten of worst. Not sure if that’s a prestigious category though. I’m sure some people enjoy it though. Hopefully that foul taste will keep me away from it. Even with the coffee setback it was still a beautiful day. 

I spent morning until late afternoon, i.e., two pm, in rain pants and a rain jacket. The rain, which was more a constant drizzle, was falling from rather high clouds. This allowed for visibility to be alright. You could make out the other side of the bay and conclude there may be some color change going on over there. I enjoyed some of the ocean spray as I walked the beach too. Not too many washed up jellies either. I’m thankful I am able and capable of getting out and enjoying life. Speaking of enjoying life, I had the most wonderful phone interview today. The conversation was so rewarding. I was able to ask questions and we talked about consciousness development. Seriously felt like a huge life win; I have an in person interview on Wednesday morning. Had another life win as my new phone was delivered today. I had to switch to an Alaskan provider as my California network had nothing for me up here. I’ll get that activated in the morning and make sure it’s working properly. This just means I’m going to make a phone call and ensure service. Currently I can only call when I’m on wifi. A big thank you and shout out to my mother, Kathy, for mailing the phone to me. They, the carrier, refused to ship it to the PO Box. Made things a little more complicated logistically, but thankfully my entire family is great with logistics. I think it’s in our blood. Also saw Jeff today and enjoyed the time I had with him. He’s one of the most selfless humans I have ever been privileged enough to call a friend. His warm, kindhearted smile and tender listening is as broad as his awareness. Many thanks, Jeff. You are a remarkable Coach at this life thing. I enjoy learning from you. Jeff, like the sandhill cranes, will migrate back south tomorrow. He’s just going to do it a little more quickly. You know what else I’m thankful for today?

You. Yeah, that’s right. You, right there. Yup, the one reading this. Thank you for giving me a little of your time today. That’s a serious treasure box reward. I’m sure there are youtube videos far more entertaining than anything I could ever write, so thanks. Feel like I’m winning at life now and you have a part in that. Just knowing others appreciate the things we do, be it writing a blog post, making dinner or fixing something, etc. etc., is a warm fuzzy all the way around. Thanks for your support and encouragement. Salome.

12, August 2021

Guten Tag, freund. 

I awoke at nine in the morning today. Instantly I knew they were gone. Truth be told I knew when they left yesterday I wouldn’t be seeing them again. It was some sort of intuition giving me the information. They had been restless for a few days. I’ll miss that early morning wake-up in some ways. Today I just missed their presence. Wildlife has always had a unique way of keeping my attention and appreciation. With the departure of the sandhill cranes the white season is just around the corner. The few locals I’ve talked to have all mentioned Jack Frost should come any day now to spread his joy. In a way I’m looking forward to it. A nice book, warm cocoa, and a decent sweater seem like a delightful day to spend an evening. All while periodically watching the snow fall. It’s something I did in Colorado and never grew weary of. Soon it shall be here. Fall is coming to it’s end stages as well. The hills have already shown the fireweed transcend the spectrum of red as the cew cottonwoods and aspens begin to glow golden. Soon all the leaves will be gone. In fact, many were being scattered today by the heavy winds and constant rain. Didn’t stop some fishing from getting done though. 

Jeff is still in town and wanted to go catch some Dolly. So I found myself with him and my brother at the reservoir. I however did not fish. Instead I sat in a nice vehicle reading, snacking, and watching two pals fish in a windy, cold low pressure storm that was moving in. Sometimes I wondered how they got their line to go beyond twenty feet. Even with the wind, pounding rain, and brief lived brakes they still seemed to enjoy themselves. I didn’t mind either as I watched them interact from a distance. Observation is a real teacher. Neither caught a fish and we ended up leaving in between waves of rain, but not before noticing a young man fishing in shorts and and shortsleeve shirt while his lady friend went for a swim. The thermostat read an external temperature of forty eight fahrenheit, or eight celsius. Regardless the unit of measure, it is too cool for my blood. The remainder of the day would be spent mainly indoors, playing billiards, also known as pool. 

I knew I was going to enjoy the billiards because I have done it once before with the Silver Fox, or SF. He and his friends made it so enjoyable for me that I now jump at every opportunity to play. This was my first opportunity since playing with the Silver Fox. He’s an authentic human being who has captured my heart in the way the sun captures the earth. He also resides in a beautiful mountain town known as Frisco. It’s a beautiful place. He and his friends taught me the basics and today Jeff and my brother both taught me about ball control. Jeffs method of letting me practice the same thing repeatedly while giving a detailed explanation allowed me to pick it up rather quickly. I love my brother, but he has a more difficult time expressing an idea, e.g., “hit this nine ball in here and make the cue ball stop here. That’ll be a perfect play.” 

“Ok, got it. Hit this ball here and make this ball stop here.” I replied. 

“That simple”, was the encouraging response he gave. I love him dearly, but he leaves me baffled at times. With a little giggle I gave it a shot, not doing anything we had talked about. I was having fun. Total win. That’s how I spent the remainder of my day. Oh, I faltered on staying caffeine free. The problem seems to be I don’t really want to stop, but my body thinks I should. I’ve got to start approaching this in a more serious manner. What that looks like, I don’t know. 

Oh and I talked to a local about a potential job lead. I do hope it pans out as they say everyone is hiring. I’m wondering why “everyone” isn’t calling me. I’ve got applications in with everyone. 😀

Anyway, it’s late. I have no words of wisdom or advice, but I will confess; I intended to do laundry today but, realized after putting detergent and softener in the washer, I brought my clean clothing instead of my dirty clothing. Sometimes you’re an avocado tree in the middle of an apple orchard. Salome.

11, August 2021

Guten Tag, freund. Had a unique end to my evening yesterday; I experienced my first earthquake. At least the first one I could notice. The little tiny house had a vibration to it while some items made a rattle sound. Lasted about ten or fifteen seconds. Slept gret though. 

I woke  up at five this morning. I took my brother into town so he and Jeff could go do some charter fishing. Dropped him off a little before six then headed back to the house. Didn’t have much going on other than wanting some breakfast so I took my time returning. Thankfully all the coffee houses fail to open before six so the urge to resist getting some was made obsolete. I’m continuously attempting to improve my volition when it comes to the cup of joe. Thoughts really are powerful as they can influence you tremendously. This morning they were suggesting how delightful it would be to have a warm drink to help wake and take the sleepy off the top. Then they plagued me for some of the ride home. It wasn’t until I made it to the ridge that they subsided. I watched as the ice from the glaciers across the bay provided a cool, warming light to the early morning darkness. 

Once home I made some breakfast, watched the sandhill cranes arrive, the moose show themselves, and the sun came over the range. All while sipping on a nice glass of water and eating a sandwich, it was ham. I pondered taking a nap. Funny thing though. As I was pondering I fell asleep. I woke up four hours later a little confused at how it happened as I intended not to sleep at all.  What was done was done though so I took a shower, braided my hair, and started on some chores I had wanted to do earlier. The worst was the dump run. We don’t have trash service so I have to take all the garbage I generate to the dump myself. There were six bags for two and a half weeks. Don’t think I’ll wait that long for the next run. The smell this time was almost too much for me. I dont’ wish to make a repeat. After the dump run I picked my brother up at the hotel where Jeff is staying. I also chatted for a while and heard the stories that fishermen tell. I was joyous to hear they enjoyed themselves. It also meant that fish was going in the freezer. It felt around thirty pounds total. There was king salmon, flounder, and halibut. It didn’t take long to have it all cut into serving sizes, vacuum sealed, and in the deep freeze. The rest of the night was spent relaxing. 

I spent some time thinking about how people come and go from my life. Some are only here for a season, some a couple seasons, and some stay for an extended period. There are also those I’ve pushed away, treated poorly, found no appreciation for, and used. Not proud things, but life lessons that needed to find understanding. Those relationships ended rather quickly or destructively. Again, not boastful of it, but thankful for the lesson. I found myself wondering why I held back. If people may only be around for a season why not treat them like a flower? Why not be mindful of their feelings, their enjoyments, their sorrow, and their person? I need to live an authentic life. I’m so full of love, why not show it? If I’m giving it and expecting something back, then am I not giving it for the incorrect reason? How do I change this? What tools can I utilize to find success? What is the antidote? I know I’m tenacious enough to try and capable enough to find. This isn’t going to be easy, but I’ve got a plan. It’s going to rely on me trusting myself and my compass. We shall see how this goes.

On a side not; fear is a thief. dont let it rob you.

10, August 2021

Guten Tag! I ended up doing a quick German lesson before going to bed yesterday. It wasn’t long, lasting only fifteen minutes, but it was a lesson. I wish I had some insight to plug, but today my mind was entirely in the moment.

The sandhills started their arrival squawk at seven-thirty. Today I arose half an hour before they would start. It is unique, as their departure date looms ever closer I am finding their early hour squaks more pleasant. The call, one I once felt I had to endure like the trumpeting of a football team on an early Saturday morning when all I wanted to do was sleep in, has become a symphony of musical marvel. I throw some breakfast burritos in the oven I made earlier in the week and take my perch at the window, watching the cranes as they dance and fiddle in a restlessness that doesn’t lack display. The grey and rust colored plumage dancing on the wind as wings are stretched and retracted. I enjoy this marvel until the timer on the oven alerts me to a more pressing issue. Food!. I quickly inhale a couple burritos, pack a lunch for the hunting, fishing, and berry picking day planned and gather up the last remaining items before I leave. I have a blowgun I am hoping to be successful with. I glance at the cranes one final time in the misty morning fog and silently thank them for the joy they have given freely. They may not be here when I return. 

I head in town, it’s a twenty minute drive, and find Jeff sitting outside waiting. We decided to grab some coffee at a local shop before heading to the hunting grounds. I have a dirty chai with a double shot. Yummy!! I justify it by stating it’s not coffee. It’s a Latte. My volition to avoid caffine was a double shot of weak sauce. I’m so far removed from perfect. With coffee, a tea, and a latte we head towards the head of the bay where we will be hunting. When we get close my brother asks if we think his front wheel drive car will make it down and back up. I’ve never seen or driven the road before, but that didn’t stop me from giving encouraging advice and ensuring beyond doubt it was doable. The road itself was steep, had five switchacks or u bends, and was a little muddy. As we headed down I thought, “I’m not sure we can make it back up”, but I kept that negativity to myself. Once at the bottom it opened up to the beach. It was currently at low tide and far from our location. We parked the car here and walked the short quarter mile to our starting point. When we arrived My brother started picking raspberries, Jeff took the twenty two and headed somewhere, while I took my blowgun and headed in the opposite direction. Within 5 minutes I knew I made a mistake not wearing my rain pants right away. The dew on the knee high grass quickly saturated the upper half of my boots. Yup, the part that isn’t waterproof. I realized quickly and tried to abate the damage by dawning said rainpants, but it was already too late. Undeterred I moved on. I walked through a small wooded area before it opened to a meadow where rose hips were as abundant as the grass. I enjoyed their color for a moment before moving on and concluded I would pick some on the way back. For the next two hours I walked and waited but saw nothing. Then I noticed something high in a tree. An Eagle. Wait…. Two eagles….. OH, and a nest. There, perched majestically beside each other was a pair of bald eagles. The eaglet, that looked bigger than an eaglet should to me, gave a quick look in my direction then laid back down. I walked directly by them with little more than a quick glance from each. I also concluded at this poin I probably wasn’t going to be seeing much in the area and decided to head back, but first the rosehips.

As I picked rose hips a man, Mark, approached on a four wheeler and asked how I was doing. I introduced myself, gave a brief explanation, and then found joy as he informed me he liked to pick rosehips after the first frost, which should be anytime now. He also mentioned he was there to look at the round bales and make sure no mold was taking root. I asked him a couple more questions before he set off to look at the hay. At that point I decided he seemed knowledgable enough that I would take his indirect advice and wait to pick rosehips until after the first frost and started my walk back to our starting location. Jeff came back empty handed as well. As he started picking raspberries I decided I needed to read. I brought a book I have been enjoying and was eager to return to the African Saffari. About an hour later we all decided we should go fish so we set off back to the car to return to a local spot. By this time the fog had lifted and rays of sunshine sprinkled down with a warmth I did not dislike. Before we would leave though I made a quick lunch on the beach and watched the late salmon arrivals jump in the distance. 

Remember that hill my brother asked if I thought he could make it up? Well it looked a little more daunting on the way back. The dirt that had seemed compact on the way down was loose and thick, sticking to the tires like the Carolina clay does to a boot. My brother shoots up the hill with nervous trepidation as Jeff and I casually encourage him. When I felt the tires spin and the car stop I thought, “Wow, we made it seventy yards”. Luckily we were just past the first switchback where there was enough space to pull off to the side. My brother, obviously flustered by the situation, hopped out and asked Jeff if he would drive. Jeff is a motocross and off road enthusiast who has driven in many different terrains. With him behind the wheel I feel confident we would make it to the top. As he sets off I give encouragement as we pass the second switch back and head up what looks to be the steepest part of the climb. Then…. We stop. The car just wont go any further no matter how many attempts. Jeff decides he wants to try from the bottom and see if he can carry the momentum up past the point he keeps getting thwarted. When we get to the bottom I inform him I’m going to get out and read. If he makes it up he can send my brother down and I’ll walk back up with him. I’ve got a nice spot picked out; the tide is coming in, I can hear the splash of jumping fish, and the two glaciers across the bay shimmer with aquatic color while the salty air fills my senses with lively joy. I stare for a moment, giving thanks for being able to experience such a beautiful sight and then jump into my book. A little while later a young gentleman on a four wheeler pulls up beside me and says, “you Alan”. I reply “indeed” and he informs me the other members of my party have made it to the top. Thankful they made it and dind’t have to get a tow, I start my walk up the steep mile long road. When I reach the top Jeff and Andrew inform me they made it out by driving the car in reverse. A couple locals had suggested it. And although Jeff and my brother were apprehensive at first they gave it a shot. Turns out the advice was solid. Once back on a more firm road we proceed towards the fishing hole. Before we even arrive I indicate my intention to read and enjoy the scenery while they both fish. I find no contestation and feel happy that things are swell. No pun intended. They spend the rest of he evening fishing as I enjoy my book and the scenery. I watch a sea otter nonchalantly swim on his back, then belly, then back to his back only to dive under and pop up twenty feet away. This amused me for a good amount of time. Then with the sun setting in the distance we called it a day.

No keepers were caught, no successful hunt was achieved, but we did get raspberries, wonderful memories, and grew ever closer in our friendship. A beautiful reward.

09, August 2021

One thing I noticed about my first “Journal” entry was how different it is from when I actually write. The post was far less intimate and written without depth to my feelings and emotions. Two things that I constantly look at daily. I desire to know why they happen and what exactly they  are. There is a real curiosity at uncovering the mystery. In some way I think it’s going to be the cure for every bane of my existence. Thus far I have discovered that my thoughts are the most influential on my feelings and if I let them get out of control they can become emotions. My emotions are influenced by my thoughts as well, but the way they come on seems much different than with feelings. The feelings seem to come after the thoughts while the emotion seems to precede them. E.G, I was walking a trail where I work and heard a noise that sounded like a large animal moving. Immediately I felt anxious nervousness as I swirled around; my hand instinctively went on the bear spray. Then came the thought, “What’s that noise?”.  The first thing I noticed was the noise, then the emotion of anxious nervousness, and concluded with what’s that noise as my eyes honed to the spot. Turned out it was a few larger avions. In this situation, did subconsciously I receive a thought that caused the fight/flight reaction? That’s what the anxious nervousness was, fight or flight. It was pretty easy to identify. I felt the adrenaline and shaky voice that accompanies sincere  fear. Am I scared of death or scared of not living? Am I scared to get eaten because I know it’ll realy be a difficult way to leave, or am I scared to move on and see what’s after this epoch of my life? Or perhaps it’s a fear of truth? That last one seems to be pretty cultural for the planet. Could be my problem. What about the truth scares me?  I’ll be persecuted for it or it’ll cause people to dislike me. Why? Because my self image is important. Vanity I say, Vanity. Plus, if I’m honest, a sprinkle of cowardice. Truth. Two things I need to work on, vanity and cowardice. Feels logical and my thoughts brought that on 😉 ! 

Today was as splendid as any. The sandhill call came later than yesterday. I’m not sure why. They aren’t going to be around much longer as migration day approaches and I can’t help but sense I’ll miss them. There depatture signals the white season is just around the corner. Had a friend, he’s more of a friend of my brother than of me, who arrived in town and asked if I wanted to fish with him and my brother. So I spent the day fishing. We started at the reservoir where Jeff turned into the fishing magician. I have no idea how he did it, but I copied his setup so I could catch a few fish. Getting a hand up and wanting a hand out are two different things. After Jeff helped me catch my limit of fish we headed towards town and did some surf fishing. The tide was coming and would soon arrive at it’s climax. I didn’t end up fishing, but I did walk the beach, catch up with Jeff, found a new place to purchase fishing bait, and helped support a local business through a purchase. This busines was Salmon Sisters. It was a small place in a large building. The clerk was friendly with righteous energy. Their eyes were calm and the music relaxing. If I had a book with me I might have asked if I could sit down. But I did not, so I settled for some postcards and a sticker, then bid adu to the elevated feng shui.  As for fishing; Jeffs luck was left at the reservoir. He was handed a goose egg. I accepted my egg before participating, and my brother caught a couple. A small flounder and a decent pacific staghorn sculpin. Both are botto dwelling fish. This brought us to around dinner in which my brother offered to cook. We had Salmon 😀 And that concluded the evening and events. Nothing less than spectacular I must confess. Tomorrow they offered to take me hunting. I’m excited to try out a blow gun and I believe my brother is eager to try out a slingshot. Jeff will have the trusted twenty-two. Oh, I didn’t get a German lesson in, but it’s ok. Maybe I’ll do a quick fifteener when I get off. I’ll let you know on the tenth. 

Don’t forget: Be who you love and love who you are 🙂

08, August 2021

To help save my feeble wrists I’m going to start keeping my jornal online. A little frightening, perhaps; nonetheless, here we go. 

I woke up in a rather delightful mood. The sandhill cranes had been calling for at least the last hour and I reluctantly ignored their babble no longer. I really desired a cup of coffee, but stuck with my vow to omit it from routine. Instead I had some water, took a shower, and made breakfast. Nothing fancy. Eggs and sweetpeppers.  Shortly after I ran into town, had sticker shock for the 15th time, completed my errands then returned to the preserve. I had intended to get some extra work in. Not because I had to, my hours are done for the week, but because I enjoy the job. I’m thankful I have ended up where I am at. I got suited up, i.e., put on rain gear, gathered equipment, and loaded my pack, but ended up talking to my mother for an hour. When I hung up and opened the door it was raining a good little step so I opted not to work. Instead I went on a little stroll around and took some photos. I’m glad I went out because although it was raining most of the time it sure was pretty. I left my field guide at the house, but tried to identify as many plants as I could. I also found a couple I have to look up. I’ll do that after I’m done writing. Strange little fruits with spikes they are.Throughout the day I contemplated how my thoughts influence my actions, dreams, and responses. It’s this constant, epic battle trying to keep them under control. The work has been worth it for sure. After my three hour jaunt I did a German Lesson. This is something I started recently. I’m going slow. Learning the alphabet and sounds first. E.g., liebe (leebu), which translates to love and the letter R which sounds like (air) . I enjoyed it. I also noticed that this time was different. There was an enjoyment and eagerness to learn that hasn’t been there before. I must confess I attempted this once before, but it didn’t feel the same. The excitement wasn’t there like it is now. I’ve also been around, i.e, viideo chats, people who are working on German just as I am and provide encouragement, relatability, patience, and a willingness to help. The environment has been the most noticeable difference from when I tried to learn before. My state of mind is in a far different place as well. Regardless, I’m thrilled to be striving for it. After this I’m going to read some from Whatever you do, don’t look behind you. I’m realy into it. Then probably call it a night. Hopefully sleep comes quickly. My mind has been pretty active today though. I had a friend, Tom Bodnar, pose a couple questions that I found stimulating. The first, “How does one keep the individual consciousness in a ripened state while living in society?” and the second, “If one’s mindset and psyche are the primary items to master, how does one do it without going to live in the woods?” Tom is a beautiful human being and I’m thankful to have him in my life. Thanks, Tom. Here are a few pictures from my walk.