I wander to satiate curiosities unquenchable thirst, never lacking for imaginative wonder. It’s a byproduct of conscious striving for evolution’s fulfillment. The trod becomes the reward, a myriad of experiences enlivening the vigor of winged beauty as aviation is discovered. Soon a peace internal becomes a companion and challenges excite creative solutions provided by neutral-positive thoughts. The forward, progressive fluidity presents a mosaic uplifting the Fibonacci sequence with brilliant radiance that trickles on loves perfection. It continuously fills a cup constantly being drank from. It’s why I do what I do. 

“Everything is neutral. Nothing is good or bad unless you label it so” ~Unknown

ME: CDC, should I get poke if I already had Covid?

CDC: “Yes, you should be poked regardless of whether you already had COVID-19. That’s because experts do not yet know how long you are protected from getting sick again after recovering from COVID-19.”

ME: Oh, okay, we don’t know how long natural immunity lasts. Got it. So, how long does poke-induced immunity last?

CDC: “There is still a lot we are learning about COVID-19 pokes and CDC is constantly reviewing evidence and updating guidance. We don’t know how long protection lasts for those who are poked.”

ME: Okay … but wait a second. I thought you said the reason I need the poke was because we don’t know how long my natural immunity lasts, but it seems like you’re saying we ALSO don’t know how long poke immunity lasts either. So, how exactly is the poke immunity better than my natural immunity?

CDC: …

ME: Uh … alright. But, haven’t there been a bunch of studies suggesting that natural immunity could last for years or decades?

CDC: Yes.

NEWYORKTIMES: “Years, maybe even decades, according to a new study.”

ME: Ah. So natural immunity might last longer than poke immunity?

CDC: Possibly. You never know.

ME: Okay. If I get the poke, does that mean I won’t get sick?

BRITAIN: Nope. We are just now entering a seasonal spike and about half of our infections and hospital admissions are poked people.

ME: CDC, is this true? Are there a lot of people in the U.S. catching Covid after getting the poke?

CDC: We stopped tracking breakthrough cases. We accept voluntary reports of breakthroughs but aren’t out there looking for them.

ME: Does that mean that if someone comes in the hospital with Covid, you don’t track them because they’ve been poked? You only track the UN-poked Covid cases?

CDC: That’s right.

ME: Oh, okay. Hmm. Well, if I can still get sick after I get the poke, how is it helping me?

CDC: We never said you wouldn’t get sick. We said it would reduce your chances of serious illness or death.

ME: Oh, sorry. Alright, exactly how much does it reduce my chance of serious illness or death.

CDC: We don’t know “exactly.”

ME: Oh. Then what’s your best estimate for how much risk reduction there is?

CDC: We don’t know, okay? Next question.

ME: Um, if I’m healthy and don’t want the poke, is there any reason I should get it?

CDC: Yes, for the collective.

ME: How does the collective benefit from me getting poked?

CDC: Because you could spread the virus to someone else who might get sick and die.

ME: Can a poked person spread the virus to someone else?

CDC: Yes.

ME: So if I get poked, I could still spread the virus to someone else?

CDC: Yes.

ME: But I thought you just said, the REASON I should get poked was to prevent me spreading the virus? How does that make sense if I can still catch Covid and spread it after getting the poke?

CDC: Never mind that. The other thing is, if you stay unpoked, there’s a chance the virus could possibly mutate into a strain that escapes the pokes protection, putting all poked people at risk.

ME: So the poke stops the virus from mutating?

CDC: No.

ME: So it can still mutate in poked people?

CDC: Yes.

ME: This seems confusing. If the poke doesn’t stop mutations, and it doesn’t stop infections, then how does me getting poked help prevent a more deadly strain from evolving to escape the poke?

CDC: You aren’t listening, okay? The bottom line is: as long as you are unpoked, you pose a threat to poked people.

ME: But what KIND of threat??

CDC: The threat that they could get a serious case of Covid and possibly die.

ME: My brain hurts. Didn’t you JUST say that the poke doesn’t keep people from catching Covid, but prevents a serious case or dying? Now it seems like you’re saying poked people can still easily die from Covid even after they got the poke just by running into an unpoked person! Which is it??

CDC: That’s it, we’re hanging up now.

ME: Wait! I just want to make sure I understand all this. So, even if I ALREADY had Covid, I should STILL get poked, because we don’t know how long natural immunity lasts, and we also don’t know how long poke immunity lasts. And I should get the poke to keep a poked person from catching Covid from me, but even if I get the poke, I can give it to the poked person anyways. And, the other poked person can still easily catch a serious case of Covid from me and die. Do I have all that right?

…

ME: Um, hello? Is anyone there?

I was hoping to share with you my two core values, integrity and fairness. I came to this conclusion after about four solid days of reflection, sleuthing, and rummaging. I noticed most of my thoughts revolved around questions that spring from my core.

 

For instance, I ask myself “is this equitable for all parties involved, can I hold my head up and know that I was fair with myself, and am I able to look at myself without guilt” whenever I consider others, search for solutions, provide a collaborative effort, reflect on my actions towards another, consider another’s perspective, or implement a boundary (just to mention some). This is something that occurs so innately I forget it’s there. Like a predetermined hardwire derived from the root of my BEING. Fairness, like integrity, is a driver of who I am. 

 

Integrity is on that same innate level. It just presents itself as a thought. An example would be when I hear “you have to speak up because silence only wins guilts attention, negative that’s against my values, or you’re going to do the right thing when no one is watching because it’s the right thing. It’s challenging at times because it creates uncomfortable situations, but ultimately that leads to improvement. Just as doing the right thing when no one is looking leads to self love and self respect. 

 

So yeah, those are my two core values and a little of why I decided on them. It was super cool to discover this about myself. I found the entire process uplifting and empowering; It’s such a reward to understand ourselves a little better than we did the day before. I gave myself a real gift here. Definitely a treasure box moment.  

 

“Curiosity is unruly. It doesn’t like rules, or at least, it assumes that all rules are provisional, subject to the laceration of a smart question nobody has yet thought to ask. It disdains the approved pathways, preferring diversions, unplanned excursions, impulsive left turns. In short, curiosity is deviant. Pursuing it is liable to bring you into conflict with authority at some point, as everyone from Galileo to Charles Darwin to Steve Jobs could have attested.”
― Ian Leslie, Curious: The Desire to Know and Why Your Future Depends on It

Corrective, self-criticism,; that’s what hurts most.

Ever find yourself being overly critical of something you have done? For me it generates some pretty extreme feelings e.g., remorse, regret, disappointment, disgust, dissatisfaction, self-loathing, guilt, sorrow, etc. etc. These feelings then create thoughts such as, “you acted like an idiot” or maybe “you screwed up”, which then trigger more feelings like the previously mentioned. This is, if I am honest with myself, my conscience trying to help me learn. It doesn’t want me to suffer and it doesn’t want me to hurt, but it does want me to know the truth. Which isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. When I accept this I learn something about what not to be or do. Plus It’s kind of cool to get plus two attribute points towards volition.

There’s a catch though. I have to listen. Not superficially, but LISTEN by asking questions in order to understand. So when I hear, “you acted like an idiot” I reply “How?”. Then continue the conversation until it arrives at a mutual accord (harmony). This is the bittersweet aspect for me. I have understood the wrong, accepted it, and show it through my actions. 

Sometimes this can take a minute though. metaphorically speaking of course. In fact, at times it doesn’t flow like above. That’s a best case scenario. There are times when I hear, “you acted like an idiot” and I reply “No I didn’t” and rationalize it with some bogus, over the top justification. I found that this approach will prolong a grief period; I have tasted victory. 

I write to inspire my moral conduct and expedite those things I define as auspicious, e.g., forgiving myself.     

 

“The one thing that doesn’t abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience.”
― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird