11, August 2021

Guten Tag, freund. Had a unique end to my evening yesterday; I experienced my first earthquake. At least the first one I could notice. The little tiny house had a vibration to it while some items made a rattle sound. Lasted about ten or fifteen seconds. Slept gret though. 

I woke  up at five this morning. I took my brother into town so he and Jeff could go do some charter fishing. Dropped him off a little before six then headed back to the house. Didn’t have much going on other than wanting some breakfast so I took my time returning. Thankfully all the coffee houses fail to open before six so the urge to resist getting some was made obsolete. I’m continuously attempting to improve my volition when it comes to the cup of joe. Thoughts really are powerful as they can influence you tremendously. This morning they were suggesting how delightful it would be to have a warm drink to help wake and take the sleepy off the top. Then they plagued me for some of the ride home. It wasn’t until I made it to the ridge that they subsided. I watched as the ice from the glaciers across the bay provided a cool, warming light to the early morning darkness. 

Once home I made some breakfast, watched the sandhill cranes arrive, the moose show themselves, and the sun came over the range. All while sipping on a nice glass of water and eating a sandwich, it was ham. I pondered taking a nap. Funny thing though. As I was pondering I fell asleep. I woke up four hours later a little confused at how it happened as I intended not to sleep at all.  What was done was done though so I took a shower, braided my hair, and started on some chores I had wanted to do earlier. The worst was the dump run. We don’t have trash service so I have to take all the garbage I generate to the dump myself. There were six bags for two and a half weeks. Don’t think I’ll wait that long for the next run. The smell this time was almost too much for me. I dont’ wish to make a repeat. After the dump run I picked my brother up at the hotel where Jeff is staying. I also chatted for a while and heard the stories that fishermen tell. I was joyous to hear they enjoyed themselves. It also meant that fish was going in the freezer. It felt around thirty pounds total. There was king salmon, flounder, and halibut. It didn’t take long to have it all cut into serving sizes, vacuum sealed, and in the deep freeze. The rest of the night was spent relaxing. 

I spent some time thinking about how people come and go from my life. Some are only here for a season, some a couple seasons, and some stay for an extended period. There are also those I’ve pushed away, treated poorly, found no appreciation for, and used. Not proud things, but life lessons that needed to find understanding. Those relationships ended rather quickly or destructively. Again, not boastful of it, but thankful for the lesson. I found myself wondering why I held back. If people may only be around for a season why not treat them like a flower? Why not be mindful of their feelings, their enjoyments, their sorrow, and their person? I need to live an authentic life. I’m so full of love, why not show it? If I’m giving it and expecting something back, then am I not giving it for the incorrect reason? How do I change this? What tools can I utilize to find success? What is the antidote? I know I’m tenacious enough to try and capable enough to find. This isn’t going to be easy, but I’ve got a plan. It’s going to rely on me trusting myself and my compass. We shall see how this goes.

On a side not; fear is a thief. dont let it rob you.

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