09, August 2021

One thing I noticed about my first “Journal” entry was how different it is from when I actually write. The post was far less intimate and written without depth to my feelings and emotions. Two things that I constantly look at daily. I desire to know why they happen and what exactly they  are. There is a real curiosity at uncovering the mystery. In some way I think it’s going to be the cure for every bane of my existence. Thus far I have discovered that my thoughts are the most influential on my feelings and if I let them get out of control they can become emotions. My emotions are influenced by my thoughts as well, but the way they come on seems much different than with feelings. The feelings seem to come after the thoughts while the emotion seems to precede them. E.G, I was walking a trail where I work and heard a noise that sounded like a large animal moving. Immediately I felt anxious nervousness as I swirled around; my hand instinctively went on the bear spray. Then came the thought, “What’s that noise?”.  The first thing I noticed was the noise, then the emotion of anxious nervousness, and concluded with what’s that noise as my eyes honed to the spot. Turned out it was a few larger avions. In this situation, did subconsciously I receive a thought that caused the fight/flight reaction? That’s what the anxious nervousness was, fight or flight. It was pretty easy to identify. I felt the adrenaline and shaky voice that accompanies sincere  fear. Am I scared of death or scared of not living? Am I scared to get eaten because I know it’ll realy be a difficult way to leave, or am I scared to move on and see what’s after this epoch of my life? Or perhaps it’s a fear of truth? That last one seems to be pretty cultural for the planet. Could be my problem. What about the truth scares me?  I’ll be persecuted for it or it’ll cause people to dislike me. Why? Because my self image is important. Vanity I say, Vanity. Plus, if I’m honest, a sprinkle of cowardice. Truth. Two things I need to work on, vanity and cowardice. Feels logical and my thoughts brought that on 😉 ! 

Today was as splendid as any. The sandhill call came later than yesterday. I’m not sure why. They aren’t going to be around much longer as migration day approaches and I can’t help but sense I’ll miss them. There depatture signals the white season is just around the corner. Had a friend, he’s more of a friend of my brother than of me, who arrived in town and asked if I wanted to fish with him and my brother. So I spent the day fishing. We started at the reservoir where Jeff turned into the fishing magician. I have no idea how he did it, but I copied his setup so I could catch a few fish. Getting a hand up and wanting a hand out are two different things. After Jeff helped me catch my limit of fish we headed towards town and did some surf fishing. The tide was coming and would soon arrive at it’s climax. I didn’t end up fishing, but I did walk the beach, catch up with Jeff, found a new place to purchase fishing bait, and helped support a local business through a purchase. This busines was Salmon Sisters. It was a small place in a large building. The clerk was friendly with righteous energy. Their eyes were calm and the music relaxing. If I had a book with me I might have asked if I could sit down. But I did not, so I settled for some postcards and a sticker, then bid adu to the elevated feng shui.  As for fishing; Jeffs luck was left at the reservoir. He was handed a goose egg. I accepted my egg before participating, and my brother caught a couple. A small flounder and a decent pacific staghorn sculpin. Both are botto dwelling fish. This brought us to around dinner in which my brother offered to cook. We had Salmon 😀 And that concluded the evening and events. Nothing less than spectacular I must confess. Tomorrow they offered to take me hunting. I’m excited to try out a blow gun and I believe my brother is eager to try out a slingshot. Jeff will have the trusted twenty-two. Oh, I didn’t get a German lesson in, but it’s ok. Maybe I’ll do a quick fifteener when I get off. I’ll let you know on the tenth. 

Don’t forget: Be who you love and love who you are 🙂

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