Thank you

You’ve shown me where you run when you don’t want to be found and you took me to where you hide when no one is around. Placing your warmth in mine, and holding hands we walked a scary line. You have shared your pain willingly even when you knew it would make me blue. All of these gifts from the heart you have given true.

 

Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind. ~Lionel Hampton~

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Vulnerability, I’ll give it a go.

I was hoping to share with you my two core values, integrity and fairness. I came to this conclusion after about four solid days of reflection, sleuthing, and rummaging. I noticed most of my thoughts revolved around questions that spring from my core.

 

For instance, I ask myself “is this equitable for all parties involved, can I hold my head up and know that I was fair with myself, and am I able to look at myself without guilt” whenever I consider others, search for solutions, provide a collaborative effort, reflect on my actions towards another, consider another’s perspective, or implement a boundary (just to mention some). This is something that occurs so innately I forget it’s there. Like a predetermined hardwire derived from the root of my BEING. Fairness, like integrity, is a driver of who I am. 

 

Integrity is on that same innate level. It just presents itself as a thought. An example would be when I hear “you have to speak up because silence only wins guilts attention, negative that’s against my values, or you’re going to do the right thing when no one is watching because it’s the right thing. It’s challenging at times because it creates uncomfortable situations, but ultimately that leads to improvement. Just as doing the right thing when no one is looking leads to self love and self respect. 

 

So yeah, those are my two core values and a little of why I decided on them. It was super cool to discover this about myself. I found the entire process uplifting and empowering; It’s such a reward to understand ourselves a little better than we did the day before. I gave myself a real gift here. Definitely a treasure box moment.  

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“Curiosity is unruly. It doesn’t like rules, or at least, it assumes that all rules are provisional, subject to the laceration of a smart question nobody has yet thought to ask. It disdains the approved pathways, preferring diversions, unplanned excursions, impulsive left turns. In short, curiosity is deviant. Pursuing it is liable to bring you into conflict with authority at some point, as everyone from Galileo to Charles Darwin to Steve Jobs could have attested.”
― Ian Leslie, Curious: The Desire to Know and Why Your Future Depends on It

Auspicious Beginnings

 

It began at midnight. You were sitting diagonally from me on a large square seat wearing a happy new year hat that reminded me more of birthday attire. There were two to our left holding hands as we all counted down. 10……….9……….8………. When we reached one our eyes met for a fleeting second before you leap and embraced me with a kiss. My heart fluttered with excitement and everything was beautiful.  

 

“No matter how chaotic it is, wildflowers will still spring up int the middle of nowhere.” ~Sheryl Crow~

What Hurts Most?

Corrective, self-criticism,; that’s what hurts most.

Ever find yourself being overly critical of something you have done? For me it generates some pretty extreme feelings e.g., remorse, regret, disappointment, disgust, dissatisfaction, self-loathing, guilt, sorrow, etc. etc. These feelings then create thoughts such as, “you acted like an idiot” or maybe “you screwed up”, which then trigger more feelings like the previously mentioned. This is, if I am honest with myself, my conscience trying to help me learn. It doesn’t want me to suffer and it doesn’t want me to hurt, but it does want me to know the truth. Which isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. When I accept this I learn something about what not to be or do. Plus It’s kind of cool to get plus two attribute points towards volition.

There’s a catch though. I have to listen. Not superficially, but LISTEN by asking questions in order to understand. So when I hear, “you acted like an idiot” I reply “How?”. Then continue the conversation until it arrives at a mutual accord (harmony). This is the bittersweet aspect for me. I have understood the wrong, accepted it, and show it through my actions. 

Sometimes this can take a minute though. metaphorically speaking of course. In fact, at times it doesn’t flow like above. That’s a best case scenario. There are times when I hear, “you acted like an idiot” and I reply “No I didn’t” and rationalize it with some bogus, over the top justification. I found that this approach will prolong a grief period; I have tasted victory. 

I write to inspire my moral conduct and expedite those things I define as auspicious, e.g., forgiving myself.     

 

“The one thing that doesn’t abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience.”
― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

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Kindled Passion

If needs you have unsatisfied bring them forth.

I will give reception, verily and brazenly.

We shall sail to the edges of understanding,

Passion and reason our rudder and sail.

Our work, from love and one another,

Will sow seeds which produce the tenderest fruit.

We can give of ourselves with striving eternal,

Igniting the flame of enchanted hearts.

Finding no fear in the seeking,

we remove the shell of pain.

So come, let us go with the wind

Knowing our needs will change,

But our love need naught.

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” ~Brene Brown~

Heartbeat Breaths

You are one of the most beautifully elegant flowers I have ever had the good fortune of sharing a sunbeam with. Your fluid dance ripples on the currents of a selfless wind, blowing through the hearts of everyone you greet. I’ve watched your spirit soar and I’ve seen it land close to the hearts shore. I witnessed you provide a warmth that is beyond measurement and a gift that transcends value to many a stranger and friend. You are sincere in your efforts, true in your vision, and steadfast in your heart. These are but a few qualities shining the vibrancy of your fragrance. It is what I see and what you have given me; no less than a forever treasure. 

 

You have made me an intimate part of your story. A chapter of the briefest moment yet eternal in a memories dream. The tenderness of a touch and the sweetness of a sublime caress are etched in starry passion above a dancing sky. Never to be forgotten, that sun shine day, when two souls twisted and turned to share loves eternal yearn. The subtle sunset beauty that wrapped two hands frozen from time is a gift forever in the mind. Many delights I held when I held you tight and many moments I cherish when you showed me your light. Each silent talk and every gentle embrace is filled with more than grace. You’ve given me your gift and it shall last throughout time. 

 

 

“The hard shell of any heart can soften through a gentle ear; I have found listening to be the most potent form of medicine” ~Allie Michelle~

Loves hiding place

I never knew it was true

That one could love me as you

I held the dream only at night

Never realizing I would find it in the light

 

This was how it went

As each season became spent

For years it repeated the same

I couldn’t help but think, am I the one to blame

 

Nonetheless, I always turned toward hope

It was all I found to keep me afloat. 

So I clung to it as a bird to the wind

Always wondering if I would find it in the end

 

Then one day I chose to walk towards a fear

Knowing that vulnerability can often cause tears

I took a deep breath and didn’t look back 

I held steadfast as I took this new track

 

I walked for years before my ears stumbled on a song

It touched me so intimately I knew it couldn’t be wrong

When I reached the source my eyes became stars

I was staring directly into a love without a single scar 

 

Love held out its hand without a spoken word

As soon as I took it, we began to sing the same chord

I twirled her and danced with a funny voice

All the while delighted I took a difficult choice.

 

Residing beyond time, it escapes the future and holds no past. The now is all it will ever know. You’ll find it here, that magical space between our hearts. ~Alan Dilts